Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Seek Him

Day 13 - Issue a public apology. 
This can be as funny or as serious or as 
creative as you want it to be.

Way to dig in deep here this week.  I only hesitated on this one for a little bit.  And if you have followed my fun blog posts, you'll know I do my best thinking in the shower... and that's where this one hit me. 

Confession is good for the soul.  I truly believe that.  And this is less of an apology and more of a confession.  

Tonight was amazing.  I got to hang out with 80 plus teenagers and pre-teens.  It's the highlight of my week.  I look forward to Monday nights. And Sunday nights.  Oh and now I think I can add Thursday nights to this. 

A year ago, I had no idea what my life was going to look like.  I graduated college, rode at Nationals, traveled for 6 weeks and began my job.  And I doubted.  I got back here and realized that I built a life in Bowling Green and I didn't have one here.  I had nothing to do except work.

So many nights I've spent in self-pity, not believing that I'd ever find a group of friends, a church, a barn, a life here.  Yeah, I had a job, but a life? I don't want to discount my family, but a good group of friends isn't exactly my strong suit.  And I'm used to being busy, and I had nothing to be involved in here.  And it was discouraging.  And depressing. I hated bouncing from church to church, barn to barn, group to group. It felt like I was never going to find anything. I gave up for a while. 

God had different plans for me though and He told me to keep seeking.  To keep putting one foot in front of the other. And I doubted, and complained, dragged my feet and again, I gave up.  Nothing was happening.  A year had passed and I still had nothing. Woe is me. Pity party on this end.  Gross.

  But leaving Montage tonight, God reminded me that He will always provide.  Here I am a year later and I have to step back and count my blessings.  I'm working with youth again.  I'm meeting some really good people.  I'm getting to spend time with my family.  I've traveled, I've grown closer to God.

Tonight Mike talked with the kids about Peter walking on water with Jesus.  A lot of people focus on the fact that he doubted and fell, but how about the fact that he took the first step. I want to be like that, not afraid to take that first step.  Hindsight may be 20/20 and I may be able to see all a lot of what God's done for me in the past year now, but I want to do more than that.  I want to really believe and trust that He's doing stuff right now, that I shouldn't give up, that I still need to seek Him with all I have. 

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