Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Being stuck

What are you most afraid of?

What a deep question to have on day 7 - the day of rest.  I need to make rest a bigger part of my life.  More time just spent being still and basking in His Presence.  

Right now, I'm afraid of spiders.  Our house has so many spiders crawling around. I check for them all over the place (especially the shower... nothing is more disturbing than getting in the shower just to notice a spider decided to join you... Ahh!)

But honestly, I'm afraid of being stuck.  Of not moving forward, of clinging to a life that was instead of the fullness that God promises. I'm afraid that one day I'll wake up and be in my 30s, my 40s, my 60s and still be where I am now.  Of ultimately being alone, and not just marriage, but in friendships.   I want to live my life and experience things, show God's love, get married, have a family, travel to weird places, goof around with friends, get caught up in deep conversations contemplating life, ride horses, work with the youth, move forward. 

Do thingsLearn things. Serve others

And deep down, I cling to His promise of life, and life to the fullest. And that He will provide.  And I believe what He says.  And I know that He has things planned for me.  But sometimes, it seems like I'm stuck in place.  Frozen, like freeze tag in grade school. And the fear continues to creep in and take over.

I know and I believe that I'm going to do things, accomplish things, and experience things, and continue going on crazy adventures. It's just sometimes hard to remember when I'm sitting on my bed, eating ice cream, feeling hopeless. 

And my fear of being alone - well that one goes deep and is a daily battle.  But a friend told me that God will provide what I need.  And if I don't have it, I don't need it.  And when I need it, I'll have it for He will provide. 

Though I fear it, I'm holding onto the promises

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