Seek Him

Day 13 - Issue a public apology. 

This can be as funny or as serious or as 

creative as you want it to be.

______________________________________________

Way to dig in deep here this week.  I only hesitated on this one for a little bit.  And if you have followed my fun blog posts, you'll know I do my best thinking in the shower... and that's where this one hit me. 

Confession is good for the soul.  I truly believe that.  And this is less of an apology and more of a confession.  

Tonight was amazing.  I got to hang out with 80 plus teenagers and pre-teens.  It's the highlight of my week.  I look forward to Monday nights. And Sunday nights.  Oh and now I think I can add Thursday nights to this. 

A year ago, I had no idea what my life was going to look like.  I graduated college, rode at Nationals, traveled for 6 weeks and began my job.  And I doubted.  I got back here and realized that I built a life in Bowling Green and I didn't have one here.  I had nothing to do except work.

So many nights I've spent in self-pity, not believing that I'd ever find a group of friends, a church, a barn, a life here.  Yeah, I had a job, but a life? I don't want to discount my family, but a good group of friends isn't exactly my strong suit.  And I'm used to being busy, and I had nothing to be involved in here.  And it was discouraging.  And depressing. I hated bouncing from church to church, barn to barn, group to group. It felt like I was never going to find anything. I gave up for a while. 

God had different plans for me though and He told me to keep seeking.  To keep putting one foot in front of the other. And I doubted, and complained, dragged my feet and again, I gave up.  Nothing was happening.  A year had passed and I still had nothing. Woe is me. Pity party on this end.  Gross.

  But leaving Montage tonight, God reminded me that He will always provide.  Here I am a year later and I have to step back and count my blessings.  I'm working with youth again.  I'm meeting some really good people.  I'm getting to spend time with my family.  I've traveled, I've grown closer to God.

Tonight Mike talked with the kids about Peter walking on water with Jesus.  A lot of people focus on the fact that he doubted and fell, but how about the fact that he took the first step. I want to be like that, not afraid to take that first step.  Hindsight may be 20/20 and I may be able to see all a lot of what God's done for me in the past year now, but I want to do more than that.  I want to really believe and trust that He's doing stuff right now, that I shouldn't give up, that I still need to seek Him with all I have. 

What I do, besides my job :)

When someone asks you what you do, the normal response is your job.  For me, I'm an applications developer.  I support different systems and make sure they work for my customers.  But in today's May challenge prompt, I was asked that question, but told not to use that as a response.  

What do I do?  Often I sit on my bed and read Harry Potter.  Sometimes you can find me out in the woods on a hike in my barefoot shoes. I start a ton of different projects and tend to not finish them in a timely manner.  At lunch when I'm not working, I'm knitting with a really fun group of people. 

Sometimes on rare occasion, I'm an equestrian.  Or a dancer.  Or a teacher. Or even a choreographer.

Equestrian, Choreographer, Teacher, Dancer

I'm a shower thinker, a car singer, and I tap dance down the grocery store aisle. I eat entire bags of potato chips in one sitting.  

I learn new things.  I explore random hobbies.  I get lost in Amish country just to find new places. I like crawling on steam engines and taking in the smell of coal smoke with a smile on my face.

 

The locomotive at the Roundhouse that I someday hope to work on

I'm a musician. A bassoonist if you're being specific.  If you're not, woodwind player will suffice.


If there was such a thing as a closet adrenaline junkie, that would be me. 

When I'm happiest, you can normally find me with a group of teenagers. Particularly jr. high kids.  They've kind of stolen my heart.    

1 - My crazy campers 2 - Ziplining 3 - My bassoon and contra 4 - My Ruth study girls

I do a variety of things, and often it includes something no one has heard of, or can't believe that I do. 

I think the best thing though is that God's got everything already planned out.  Everything that I'm going to do.  And the coolest part is I'm the only one who can do what He's got planned for me.  All my quirks, my flaws, my experiences are being used in His plan for my life. It gives me comfort in the many random things I do, that somehow they all fit together.

The Glory of God

Day 4 - Favorite Quote.

I debated what to say for this one.  I have so many!  But in the end, Psalm 19:1 is my favorite.  

"The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands."

This is one of the reasons I love living in Amish country.  Everyday I walk outside and simply cannot deny God.  It's clear everywhere I look.  His beauty, His majesty, His artistry, His love is E V E R Y W H E R E!

He paints beautiful masterpieces in the sky every hour of every day and I simply love being able to enjoy it.  And this verse just reminds me of his glory in the heavens and the work of his hands.

At first, I just wanted to grab a picture from Pinterest that had the verse, but I have so many amazing pictures of His handiwork.  All these pictures were taken by me on many of my various travels and back road adventures [correction: the fourth image was taken by a fellow camp counselor, Jenna ].  Each one has a story that I could tell you about, but I'm going to let you simply enjoy Psalm 19:1-6.  I think of His glory every time I step outside.  Such a blessing to see and be a part of His handiwork.

North Carolina with family

Disney with Jasmine

Back roads in Amish Country

Marmon Valley over the Hen House

Storm clouds over the house

Clouds on the way to Cali

Rainbow on the way to Alamere Falls

Jamaica Sun

Clouds at Marmon Valley while berry picking

Marmon Valley - catching horses in the morning fog

Sunrise while leaving Findlay's barn training for Semi Finals

Jamaican sunset

Field by where I used to ride

Disney sunset at Epcot

Now is right on time

 I've been rather absent here over the past year.  I am really good at doing super long recaps, but I'm not going to do that here, despite all the awesomeness that's been going on here.  I did however stumble across a beautiful challenge to write every day in May over at Story of My Life.  Each day has a different prompt.  Click on the image on the right to see what it's all about.  

Maybe this will get me back into this, because truth is, I miss it!  For May 1st, I get to write my life story in 250 words or less... here you go!

Well –

I was born in raised in Amish country - hence my need to yell buggy whenever I see one.  I grew up a dancer, starting at the young age of 2.  I went to a little hick town school in the middle of nowhere.  I was the smart kid, the kind who read books at recess [don’t hate, I love my books!!] I started competing with my dance team/family when I was 8: we had a pretty rocking ballet team :)

Music entered my life and I made the decision to be a band director, throwing myself into practicing my bassoon.  I was all set to go to college for bassoon when I had a few amazing teachers tell me other options.

I ended up a math major my freshman year.  I got my first real job as an RA in the towers at BG.  For 10 weeks one summer, I got to love on some kids as a camp counselor at Marmon Valley Farm, which added the horse obsession to my life.  It also reignited my faith in God and Changed. My. Life.  After that summer, I knew without a doubt that youth ministry would be a part of my life.

I eventually graduated college, moved back to Amish country (I love it here), became an application developer (oh yeah, computers came into my life too), and now I’m working on what life looks like post-college. I’m excited for what God’s got planned for me here!

1 - My coach's horse Lily and I doing a photo shoot. 2 - Camp staff making an movie for Saving Private Smiley. 3 - RA Staff Offenhauer Towers! 4 - Practicing Bassoon 5 - Graduating from college! 6 - My lovely youth girls.  I love them! We were studying Ruth that year. 7 - My crazy cabin. 8 - Our first ballet competition

Life Changing

Practice makes perfect... a saying I heard a lot between being a dancer and a musician.  And while perfection is not attainable, practice does get you closer than if you didn't.  

I'm currently going through the book One Thousand Gifts, which is about being thankful for the gifts that God has given us.  The dare is to list 1000 things that we love that God has given us.  

Tonight we were talking about how cool it would be to live by always looking for God's gifts in the situation. But also how we are going to have to learn how to do that, and by starting our own lists, we can start to live like that.  

It got me thinking...

I talk about Marmon a lot.  My life changed there.  God changed me.  And life has never been the same.  At camp, everything was about Him.  E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G. 

Waking up, walking to the barn, grooming a horse, a tree on a trail ride, lunch time, archery, rope making, feeding the bunnies, dinner, launching eggs from a tall ladder, wrestling an inflatable crocodile in the 'Amazon,' campfires, laying in bed with the lights out.  Wherever you were, you were supposed to find God in that moment.  As a counselor, how can you show these kids God's love in every moment of every day of their life?  Starting with camp.  

It. was. life. changing.

One week of that would have been amazing.  Try 10 weeks of it in a row and then we're really talking. I learned to see God in everything that I do, see, and experience. It turned my life around.  And I'm forever grateful for it. 

Thus, I'm really excited to start this book study and make looking for the gifts God gave me a part of my life.  It will be life changing.  I can already feel it.  

Thank you Lord for all you've given me, for the opportunities to see Your love.  For the experience at camp that changed my life.  For this new study that I pray will continue to open my eyes up to Your grace in this life.  

Day 18 - Thankful for showers

It may sound ridiculous, but tonight I'm thankful for showers.  If you've been reading my blogs for a while, it might not be surprising, but if you haven't, you can read my other post about my love of showers -> here.

Anyway, I think a lot in the shower.  Showers used to seem like something that took up my time.  And if you knew me in high school or college, time wasn't something I had much of.  At one point in time, a friend and I figured out that if you put index cards in Ziploc bags and clipped them to the shower curtains, you could multitask and study in the shower.  Yeah, it was that bad.

But now, it's just refreshing.  And super filled with thoughts.  And sometimes I think clearer there than anywhere else.

Tonight I realized that I harbor a lot of anger that is keeping me from finding a place to worship God.  From finding a church.  It is literally holding me back.

I also realized I've been a pretty awful friend lately because I haven't been able to explain to her why I feel the way I do.  And I figured out the reason... well at least I finally figured out the words to describe it.  Which is helpful.

God's doing something in my life. I've got a lot of things that I haven't been acknowledging and I'm grateful He's showing them to me. And when I get out of this tunnel, I know God's got something pretty sweet there for me. 

Point of today - I like showers.  And I'm thankful for the things God works on in my heart and the things that I realize.

And yeah - it is kind of crazy, but it is what it is. 

Semi-Finals 2012

Adrenaline rushes... I've had a few.  Whenever I was younger, dancing at a competition would give me one.  In the past few years, a few that stand out are the Top Thrill Dragster at Cedar Point, zip lining in the mountains, jumping in Lake Hillbegone, and the biggest was probably skydiving...

Anyway, the point is, I don't think I've ever had one quite like last Saturday.  Remember me talking about Semi-Finals? 

The hat looks awesome with the shirt

The day started out at 8 a.m. I got there and became completely overwhelmed.  Here I was thinking that Semi Finals was just for Ohio.  I was wrong.  Schools from Texas, California, Kentucky, Massachusetts, and more were all there trying to make their way to Nationals.  After calming myself down over that revelation, we drew horses (I got this little cutie named Janis).  And then we waited.  Forever. And ever.  I didn't show until 4:30.  It was a long morning. 

The highlight of the morning was being surprised by my friend Lauren.  She showed up to support me.  The coaches and she worked it out, and they actually surprised me!  It was cool.

Janis

There were 14 riders in my class.  They did 2 splits, and I just so happened to be in split B.  The top four riders of each split rode in the finals.  I had an awesome ride in my split.  When the judges finally announced who would be going to finals, my coach and a few others screamed!

This is us after they announced I moved on

We had to draw new horses, and I went from the fastest horse, to the slowest, named Butter.  We went into the show pen and did fine, until Butter 'broke' (i.e. stopped trotting) right in front of a judge.  So I kept going, knowing that I pretty much just gave myself 8th place.  I did my pattern, got off the horse and stood with the other riders. 

This is Butter

We all joked around and told each other about our rides.  I saw my team behind me, they looked happy.  I'm not sure I could say the same.  They announced 8th place, and surprisingly it wasn't me.  I turned around and our captain gave me thumbs up. I just shook my head.  They kept going and I ended up with fourth place.  I smiled and took it.  After all, fourth is a pretty darn good place in Semi-Finals.  But not good enough.  Only the top two went to Nationals... or so I thought.  I turned around and walked towards my team, shrugging and saying "I'll take it."

I've decided this is my favorite
picture ever at BGSU

Then the world got a lot more exciting.  My team was screaming and jumping and being obnoxious really.  Someone mouthed "You're going, You're going" and I just stopped and my mouth dropped. They took the top four!  And then I danced... haha. Lots of screaming, lots of jumping, lots of hugging.  It was awesome.  A small town girl just managed to make her way to Nationals. 

So cool

It's funny what happens when life just kind of hits you.  And when you tell everyone, including God that you're excited to be done.  He normally has different plans.  I'm not sure what He's up to, but I'm up for it.  It should be a fun ride.

My awesome support team

In the saddle

I'm going to take a break from Jamaica trip stuff, but rest assured, we will return!  In the meantime, I've got to share with you the awesome news that happened last weekend!  

 

I currently ride with our school's equestrian team.  It's a fun, odd word that just means we ride horses :)  I do Western Horsemanship, and I joined the team last year after I fell in love with the sport at Marmon. 

The riders and our coaches

This year, I qualified for Regionals.  To me, it didn't seem that big of a deal, but I was excited nonetheless.  We had 5 riders qualify and ride at regionals last Saturday.  On the way there, I told Reece that I was excited for the show to be over because then I could stop worrying about showing and just ride.  I was super stoked to just go to a lesson and not have to totally worry about position and all the details and stuff. [[I guess I had my fair share of all the little detail work with ballet...]] 

This was right after
I got my medal

As if God wanted to prove a point, I ended up eating my words later that day...  Long story short, I placed second in my class, which dubbed me with the fancy title of "Reserve Champion" in the walk-trot class.  [[p.s. I now ride walk, trot, canter... but you show the class below at regionals... fun stuff.]] With that fanciness, I received a really cool headstall with my fancy title on it.  Kinda cool, but totally unexpected!

On top of all that, it meant I moved on to the next step... Semi-Finals!  Never did I think I would make it this far.  God is so good and I'm so blessed to be able to spend time with His amazing creatures.  They teach us so much and are just beautiful.  

Two wonderful coaches.  Thanks for everything!

This week I got to ride a lot thanks to the wonderful people in my region letting me ride with their team.  I've loved my time in this sport and while I don't know what will happen tomorrow [[oh yeah, semi-finals are tomorrow]] I am going to be so sad when it's over.  My coaches are great and I will definitely miss them and the team. 

And I say to them, thanks for the awesome ride! 

Swimming in the Caribbean

I get to check another item off of my Day Zero list!!

#97. Swim in the ocean

(I mean technically, I swam in the sea, not the ocean, but it's close enough for me.)

Swimming in the Caribbean was cool (I kept quoting Pirates of the Caribbean the entire trip), but snorkeling in the sea was amazing.  Not only did we have an amazing guide, Ricardo, the sea was just so clear and full of life.  I held a sea urchin, all kinds of starfish, a conch, and got to see all kinds of things.  Living where I do, I get to enjoy all the hills and trees and beauty God put on this earth, but this is really the first time I saw the beauty He placed in our waters!

So pretty

Our guide, Ricardo

Conch Shell

Starfish we let go of

So cool to hold them

Once I got over the whole breathing
under water thing, I loved it!

Bring bread, Fish will come :)

Loved the flippers!

I figured you might enjoy seeing what we saw.  So awesome! And so cool to enjoy with my mom and grandma :)

30 day challenge

Remember that verse about whatever is noble whatever is pure... that is what you should be thinking about? That verse has been on my mind lately, most specifically in music.

Source: mapofmyheart.tumblr.com via Katy on Pinterest

I never realized how much music affected me until this year.  I remember going to Marmon having to take an iPod with only Christian music on it and wondering what's it matter if I don't just listen to Christian music.  I mean our entire lives at the Farm were about Christ.  Sun up to sun down, eating to swimming, God had a part in it all.  So I really don't think the music meant much to me then.

However, this past summer and fall, I really noticed a difference in my attitude and thoughts when I listened to certain music.

I'm currently a 22 year old girl who really struggles in life when it comes to guys.  I dream about my future life, my future family, my future husband.  Dreaming isn't a bad thing, but when your way of life is interrupted by it, it can be bad. I wonder if I will be alone forever.  I wonder if I will ever have a family. I struggle with the insecurities of if someone will ever love me like Christ loves the Church;  the way that God designed love, the way that God IS love?

Seeing everyone around me get engaged, get married, have kids, all of that stuff, really gets to me.  It puts me in dark places.  This fall had to be the worst it ever got.  I was literally thinking about guys all the time!  It was so bad that I couldn't even see what it was doing to me.   It didn't hit me what I was doing until one day in church, I was literally standing in line to take communion and heard the guy in front of me singing, and I thought to myself, wonder what he'd be like to date?  And then that's when God gave me a wake up call.  I mean, I was in line for communion!  It was definitely the lowest point for me.

Source: ilovehoneylace.tumblr.com via Tiffani on Pinterest

After I realized just how bad I was, I started to confide in the people I trusted.  I know that some of them were praying for me. That's when I started to notice the differences that occurred when I listened to certain music.

Anyone that knows me knows that I am a country girl. I love country music!  It's absolutely amazing and a lot of it I can totally relate to.  But so much of it is about heartache and love and guys.  One song can trigger so many emotions.  One song would literally take me back to all the insecurities, all the thoughts, all the feelings. I never noticed that before.

Luckily, back in BG, there's a Christian radio station called K-Love.  I'm pretty sure it's nation wide, but I'd never heard it until I came to BG.  Back home it's always been the FISH :)  Most recently I discovered Moody Radio.  Any way, it's what I started to listen to in my car, on my iPod, on my computer.  It's truly amazing the power that music has.

  Source: klove.com via Tiffani on Pinterest

K-Love is currently hosting a 30 day challenge to listen to only Christian music to see how it changes your life. [click here for the link] I signed up for the challenge on Saturday, so that means until February 13, I will only be listening to Christian music.  The only exception to this will be the soundtrack of the Pajama Game, because I kinda can't get out of that one :) haha.

I still love country music.  There are some wonderful artists out there and some amazing songs.  But so many of them do not help my way of thinking.  My struggle with the subject of guys is totally not over.  It's a daily battle that I've got to constantly give to Christ.  It's not something I can do alone, and it's definitely one that I don't win all the time.  But I do know that God's got it.  He understands, and His love will always be enough.  So for now, I pray for my husband, for my future family.  I pray that God prepares my heart for my husband. I trust in Him, in His love, in His timing.  Someday.

Source: tayirl.blogspot.com via Tiffani on Pinterest

I'm excited to do this challenge with K-Love and hope that you might consider joining me in the effort.  It's only 30 days.  Rest assured that it will most definitely be worth it.  God does funny things and you'll never know until you try.  If you want to click here to sign up.

"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." Philippians 4:8